I had a great conversation with my buddy Lucas the other day about how meaningful it is to be honest and to admit mistakes. I'm big on forgiveness, and I don't think there's anything that isn't forgivable. However, I think to be truly able to accept forgiveness, you have to admit wrongdoing, and often, that's easier said than done. Nothing makes me lose respect for someone quicker than if they can never be wrong. Being wrong is part of life, and after working with middle schoolers, I can confidently say that it's a very middle school attitude to think you have to make excuses and forward on blame to others. You're going to mess up, and yeah, that's a little scary, but own up to it when you do. In friendships, in the workplace, and in how we deal with our students here, the ability to take responsibility is imperative.
Honesty and accountability go hand in hand. If I want you to be accountable, I have to be honest with you both about my expectations and if I feel you've done wrong. When people tend to not want to take responsibility, they more often than not lie to get around admitting something. You've got to have one to have the other. I think sometimes it becomes your way of life. I have students here who dedicate whole days to breaking the rules then lying to get out of it. I understand not wanting to get in trouble, but I think if you aren't taught accountability, it's something that sticks with you and will haunt you later in life. I immediately gain more respect for someone if they do something wrong then admit it right away if they're called them on it. Then I have kids here caught redhanded in lies that will try to tell me that I didn't see what was right in front of my face. That's a hard cycle to break once you've started it, and I've met people already in my young professional career in their 20s who just can't help but lie, and it's sad to me.
I tell you all this because it's been really on my brain lately. Whether it's having trouble trusting things with my job, having trouble giving back trust to friends who have broken it, or just being weary to trust people in general, it seems like it's been a theme for the last few weeks. I can't stand maliciously lying and cheating, and it's often for no good reason. If someone tells me a small, insignificant lie, it leads me to wonder what else they might be lying to me about, and that scares me. It scares me because I don't want to hold anything back from people. I don't want to alter the way I am because I'm worried that if I show myself to people they're going to let me down. I don't even remember being double-crossed to the point where I should be so worried about peoples' intentions, yet I find myself paranoid that I'll be swindled or bamboozled. I want to let people be innocent until proven guilty, but sometimes my brain pushes to not give people the benefit of the doubt. People make mistakes, and if I said I was always truthful 100% of the time, everyone knows I would be lying (see what I did there?). I think for some people though, it's a habit.
Alas, for how downer that sounds, life is really good. I have so much to be grateful for I get the cast off in two weeks, and the foot is feeling better. I had to cancel my trip to Nepal, but I think it's for the better. I hear they're kicking out foreign aid workers, and with a bad foot, I would probably just be in the way. Guess I'll just have to go visit my friend Kelly who is living there next year! Lucas, his friend (and now my friend) Matt, and I are threw a giant BBQ this weekend at a really scenic beach and cooked a half hog. We built the pit out of cinder blocks and steel, and assuming we break even, anything left over is going to benefit my medical and legal debts from the accident, which is really incredible of everyone. It's things like this that remind me that people are inherently good. I know there's some psychopaths out there, but the majority of the human race that I encounter means well, and that's pretty awesome. Something stupid happened to me, but out of a broken foot came an awesome BBQ and a great bonding night with my friends here on Jeju.
I think in the worst of situations, there's always some good waiting around the corner. I don't think it's easy to realize the things in your life that you need to be grateful for, and you have to actively be searching for them. It's easy to have bad things happen and wallow in your misery. That's the lazy way, and I've been guilty more than once of feeling sorry for myself over the last few weeks. It's ridiculous. I have it so good, and I have so much to be grateful for. I've learned and grown from the accident, and again, it's provided for some good times, to the point of actually finding the accident kind of funny now. I got hit by a drunken tractor driver in South Korea. I have a feeling I'll be telling that story for quite a while. The best medicine for misfortune that's out of your control is laughing. Life goes on, and I think as I get older, I'm learning how to try to be more positive in general.
Anyway, that's the brain-vomit I've had over the last few days. Only a few more weeks left on Jeju, and then on to the next adventure. As always, thanks for reading.
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