With a such a large transition approaching, I've been uncharacteristically calm and collected, going through my daily business and preparing to leave Korea. I tend to think for extended periods of time before falling asleep, and last night was no exception. Sometimes I have great thoughts, and I really process my day or my relationships or my inner workings. Last night, I didn't have any fun thoughts. Instead, the second I laid down in my bed, the full weight of the next few months hit me like a brick.
I leave Jeju in exactly one week. It's almost a year to the day that I found out I got the job here. I interviewed in my friend Jake's bed room from his house in the suburbs of Chicago, and a few days later, I found out I was going to a place I had never even heard of. A month and a half later, I was here.
And, now, I'm here still, with a little over a week left, and only a few days left with the students. Where has the year gone? It decided to kick it into warp speed at some point, and now, it's come, and it's gone. It's been a year of self-discovery and self-reflection with some minor personal changes. I feel like my sense of self and my goals are more clear, but that all-in-all, I'm the same guy with more knowledge of this country and this part of the world.
As I laid in bed last night, I realized I'm about to move from Asia to Europe with little time in between. I had a mini-panic attack that involved a lot of irregular breathing and tossing around. I've shipped home a ton of stuff and should probably start packing. I have like 3 weeks at home this summer and will be on the go constantly. Anyone who knows me knows that I prefer it this way, but that doesn't make the thought of it any less scary. I need to be ready to move to Rome by the first week of August. That is soon.
And, as well as things have come together, I admit that I'm nervous. It's a natural reaction to be nervous for the unknown, I suppose, but that doesn't make me feel any less silly about it. I'm going back to Rome! I'm going into a job in what I want to be my career field! Why must my stupid brain be so worrisome? Alas, I know everything will go well with the busy summer and the job next year.
Today, I proctored the SAT and felt horrible flashbacks of the old standardized testing days. Naturally, that made me worried for eventually taking the GRE. I'll have to start making moves on that front before I know it, too. Hopefully, I'll be able to complete a higher ed degree abroad. Sorry, Ma, I might not be close for a bit longer.
Lately, I've had my brother Brad Zandstra on my mind. He is going through a tough time right now, and you always want to be there when your friends are struggling. It's harder knowing that even if I was there, there isn't a damn thing I could do. If there's one thing I'll never understand, it's why bad things happen to the best of people. Cancer really is stupid and senseless. If you're of the type to keep people in your thoughts or prayers, I would, and I know he would, appreciate your well wishes.
That's all my brain's got for now. Have a good weekend, folks.
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