Role Models

Alas, campus is near silent as the students have all left for their weekend trips. It makes me feel like such an old man to value the sweet, sweet silence that the weekend brings. Part of me misses being a student and traveling every weekend, but the other part of me realizes how much I've changed in the four years since I was a student here in Rome. I look at my students and see shades of myself. I remember those days fondly, but I certainly wasn't the most mature guy back then. It's been an interesting form of reflection to see the decisions my students make, the way they interact with one another, and the way they treat me, and then to realize the similarities to back then and the transformation that has occurred since.

Part of the change comes from the four years I've had of learning from truly incredible people. Here in Rome, I met people like the Beazleys and Sander Evers. In knowing those folks alone I've grown immensely, and they've changed the course of my life. I've gotten to spend time with people like Brad Zandstra, who has taught me more about resilience, strength, and kindness than anyone I know. I have a much better understanding of what love means and what I'm looking for in a woman because of friends like Alex and Anna Boesch, whose wedding I was fortunate enough to participate in; it's impossible to see them and not want the kind of love and commitment they have. I know what kind of a man I want to be because of the utter selflessness, empathy, and drive of guys like Mikey Dienstbach, Nic Herrmann, Alex Boesch, and Brian Befaro. I've realized what it means to be a loving and committed friend because of people like Kelly Cahalin, who's been by my side for almost half of my life, and who would do anything for me (and I for her!). My group of friends from Chicago has taught me what it means to miss people, and I definitely am missing you all. I got to see what hard work and integrity looks like in Lucas and Nicole Dines.

I've been so fortunate in the last 4 years. I've traveled all over the world. I've done things most people will never get to do. It hit me the other day in my interactions with students that I am who I am and I do what I do because of the people I've met and surrounded myself with. I want to be that role model for students either professionally or personally. I want them to see me being a man of integrity and then want to do so themselves. I want them to see me working hard so they want to do so themselves. In a way, it's a lot of pressure. I soaked up so much between now and when I was a student from people who had done it all before and helped me along the path. I'd like to pay it forward, and also I don't want to let people down who have helped get me so far.

There's something to be said for independence. You shouldn't need to go to your mom's every time you need your laundry done. Being independent is great, and I think I'm good at it, but in realizing my dependencies and my fortune in the people who have been an example to me, I've realized a new meaning for independence. I don't quite know what the meaning is, but it doesn't involve me being able to do everything on my own.

So, up until this point, I suppose this can be considered a long, rambling thank you note. I haven't taken the appropriate amount of time to thank everyone in my life. I'm not Ryan Bedell without you all. I hope someday the people I interact with can say that I changed them for the better, whether it's students or peers. I hope that through what I've taken from others, people can look to me as an example of something, whatever it may be. It's a tough question to pose to yourself: what do you have to offer to others? It's easy to get caught up in overthinking the answer, too. I've never met someone who didn't have something to offer. Whether it be a harsh criticism that makes me realize that not everyone will always like me, or an act of generosity that makes me have faith in the world, everyone shapes my experience, and I've been lucky to do a whole lot of learning these last four years.

So that's what I leave with, wondering what I can offer and what kind of role model I can be, wondering if I can live up to expectations and the amount of goodness that has been given to me. I have faith in myself, which definitely isn't something I could've said four years ago. Goal for the future: continue to embrace growth and foster it in others.

From Rome with love and gratitude,
Ryan